sempre igual.

"Love is not a profession

genteel or otherwise

sex is not dentistry

the slick filling of aches and cavities

you are not my doctor

you are not my cure,

nobody has that

power, you are merely a fellow/traveller

Give up this medical concern,

buttoned, attentive,

permit yourself anger

and permit me mine

which needs neither

your approval nor your suprise

which does not need to be made legal

which is not against a disease

but agaist you,

which does not need to be understood

or washed or cauterized,

which needs instead

to be said and said.

Permit me the present tense."

-Margaret Atwood, Is/Not

it's funny how things seems so simple yet end up in a complicated situation.

i may seem like a bitch, but to be honest i don't feel one bit of guilt. i could no longer lie to myself nor to D. i did not see him in my future and i wanted him to just get over it.

it's funny how things seem so simple.

i took a risk, something i haven't done in about 2 years, and asked a boy to prom. i had thought he would have liked to go with me and at the time he did not refuse the offer entirely.

however there was a major problem...

he was D's close friend.

a week went by without an answer and i couldn't take just sitting around and waiting.

it's funny how things seem so simple.

i went to his game and meet D there. he threw a drama queen scene yelling how "i exclude him" and how i'm a bitch. excuse me, but since when was it mandatory for a girl to hang out with her ex? i ignored his tyraid and after the game got a ride from that boy. i asked him what he thought about prom and told me "i always have things to do on the weekends and i can't go to prom"

it's funny how things seem so simple.

where was this response a week ago? why couldn't he have told me that the same day i asked him? why did he allow me to make a fool out of myself??

i would be lying if i said it didn't hurt, still hurts actually, but what can i do...nothing.

i couldn't have gotten out of his car any faster, and walking towards my door all i could think of was how stupidly i placed my feelings out into the open. i told D that i asked someone else to prom hoping it would end all ties with him. he explained (more like exclaimed) what a horrible person i was and how i betrayed him. i couldn't have cared less. i wanted to be free from his crap, free from his suffocating grip on my nonexistent guilt, free to do whatever the hell i wanted...even if it meant getting my heart flung back at me.

it's funny how things seem so simple.

i'm sitting alone. thinking to myself.

wondering if taking a risk was worth it.

baby, diving into the cold water and coming up refreshed into the summer sun,

was totally worth it.

it's funny how things are so simple, and how quickly one can complicate it all.