'Cause I was just like you
So arrogant and brave
Impetuous and rude
Trust me as a friend
And I'll do all that I can do
And I'd do anything for you
Because I want to see you through
It just takes time
Hard work and your time
You can change your life"
-Balance, The Future Islands
it's october and rain has fallen in the inland empire. i am offically 20 years old and it has been a somewhat crazy three months. it's weird to think that i am no longer a teenager. i figured my life would be different, that turning 20 would be the milestone i needed to change my future. alas, it wasn't so. three months changes thing...but sometimes for the worse.
I moved to riverside in order to be closer to school and personally i really like it here. i am far away from my family but close enough to go home if i need to. sometimes, i do like going home. seeing my mother make dinner, hearing her stories about her life and sitting on my comfy red couch are all a beautiful nostalgia that my heart needs. other times i cannot stand the way my mother and my sisters argue, the constant bickering...gives me a migraine.
T and I are slowly drifting away. not in the sense that you are probably thinking but in an emotionally manner. i no longer disclose intimate things to him and thus i have become a withdrawn person. i am no longer that fun loving girl who didn't have a care in the world. these days i spend most of my time walking aimlessly through campus or on the streets trying to understand what the hell went wrong. i find it strange that no one really knows me. i used to think that when i talked to friends, it meant that we were getting to know one another. that our deepest fears and greatest concerns were being heard with attentive ears. yet, when i really think about it, no one knows me. days turn into wekks and all i have left to say is that i am better off dead. i envision my death while sitting outside watching the world go by and all i feel is relief. i can at last exhale and feel as if everything will be ok. some may call it depression, i call it everyday life.
though i smile and laugh and enjoy my time, inside i feel nothing. i am slowly growing colder and colder towards everyone. i no longer care whether or not my friends want to keep contact with me nor do i care that T and i are in the exact same rut anymore. my feelings for him are there but i no longer care to be his girlfriend. all i want to do is sleep.
will you sing me to sleep? but don't wake me in the morning. everyone can change thier life. it takes time and some serious therapy.
it's october and rain has fallen in the inland empire. i am offically 20 years old and it has been a somewhat crazy three months. it's weird to think that i am no longer a teenager. i figured my life would be different, that turning 20 would be the milestone i needed to change my future. alas, it wasn't so. three months changes thing...but sometimes for the worse.
I moved to riverside in order to be closer to school and personally i really like it here. i am far away from my family but close enough to go home if i need to. sometimes, i do like going home. seeing my mother make dinner, hearing her stories about her life and sitting on my comfy red couch are all a beautiful nostalgia that my heart needs. other times i cannot stand the way my mother and my sisters argue, the constant bickering...gives me a migraine.
T and I are slowly drifting away. not in the sense that you are probably thinking but in an emotionally manner. i no longer disclose intimate things to him and thus i have become a withdrawn person. i am no longer that fun loving girl who didn't have a care in the world. these days i spend most of my time walking aimlessly through campus or on the streets trying to understand what the hell went wrong. i find it strange that no one really knows me. i used to think that when i talked to friends, it meant that we were getting to know one another. that our deepest fears and greatest concerns were being heard with attentive ears. yet, when i really think about it, no one knows me. days turn into wekks and all i have left to say is that i am better off dead. i envision my death while sitting outside watching the world go by and all i feel is relief. i can at last exhale and feel as if everything will be ok. some may call it depression, i call it everyday life.
though i smile and laugh and enjoy my time, inside i feel nothing. i am slowly growing colder and colder towards everyone. i no longer care whether or not my friends want to keep contact with me nor do i care that T and i are in the exact same rut anymore. my feelings for him are there but i no longer care to be his girlfriend. all i want to do is sleep.
will you sing me to sleep? but don't wake me in the morning. everyone can change thier life. it takes time and some serious therapy.
