-Steve Jobs
the desert has changed me.
it was here that i found myself, it was here that i allowed the sands to mold me, it was here that i let go.
it's december and i feel the chilly desert winds carrying me off to somewhere unknown. i don't know what i want to do with my life and i certainly have no clue what life has in store for me. before i left los angeles to resume my life in the desert, i had a chat with a friend. it started as any normal conversation: we talked about the weather, how our families were doing and how our respective thnksgivings went. however, it was this seemingly "normal" chat that changed my attitude for the better.
i met N in the spring of 2006. we had spanish together and like a magnet, her charisma attracted me. her passionate take on life and social issues forced me to rethink my conventional ideas....she made me uncomfortable with her confidence and i loved it. as the years passed by, i watched her graduate high school and enter the "real world." for some reason, i always kept in touch with her and we would met up for birthdays (usually mine) and talk over dinner or coffee. everytime i saw her, she saw a different carmensita. she saw the selfish child grow up, she saw her fall apart after her dating life went crazy and she saw her get up and keep moving forward. in the summer of 2011, i packed my things and moved to arizona to attend college at asu. i left home with the notion that i knew it all. i knew what i wanted to study, what i wanted to become and who i loved. yet, here i was, months later and i was once again...a changed person. however, this time the change was completely different.
she picked me up from my house and we went to our favorite coffee shop. we sat at a table and started talking about life. we hit a bump where i told her i had applied back home. at first, she was taken aback (hell, upset!) but after explaining that i was moving back for my mother's sake, she understood. i said, "N, it's not me placing my dreams on hold. it's just me taking a different route but reaching the same end. what that end is? i don't know. but hey, what's the point in life without a few detours?" she looked at me, those big blue green eyes staring into my soul, and replied "and that is why i love talking to you."
i didn't realize how much i had changed until that very moment. i was no longer this child who ran to mommy when things got rough, i wasn't this adolescent girl who thought she knew everything and was all that and a bag of chips. no, i was a young woman keeping a positive attitude no matter how hard it rained outside. i learned so many things from N, how to keep your passion aflame, how to brush off other's stupid comments and opinions without getting angry, and most importantly, how to move on in life while keeping your sanity. she may be a "straight edge" but her and i have clicked on a level that many will never experience. without her in my life, well...i would be a very different girl.
in the spring of 2006, i thought all i had to do was get through high school and coast on by on my intelligence. i never worried about money, social problems, or heart break. it's now 2011, five years have gone by in the blink of an eye and yet i can still remember meeting her for the very first time. few people make such an impact in your life...and manage to stay in it. N is one of the few people who knows the real me. her awesome birthday cards, her gifts of countless books, and her ability to say the right thing at the perfect moment have demonstrated that she is someone who i could not live without. where would i be without my blond, blue eyed argentina? in the selfish phase that's where.
Natasha Dominguez, thank you for hearing me rant about nonsense. thank you for seeing me grow, thank you for hearing me change my mind about how i feel about life more than a girl changes outfits for a party. most of all, thank you for being the person who has seen me go through so many phases and never (not once) judged. salud! a toast to the most amazing woman i have ever met...heck! will ever meet! may the sails of your ship take you to where you need to be and may your passion always rage, rant, roar. may you never be still but constantly move in the sea that we call life. for a man sitting still will miss the endless possibilities that await him.
it's the beginning of the end...of 2011 that is. i am not over the sadness of many disappointments but i am moving forward. i have no clue what the future has in store for me, yet i am certain that the past will never be the same. connecting the dots from the past opens the doors to the future. may the winds of fate carry us both to our destinies and may the world shudder in fear for what we will change. keep on changing the world, one person at a time N.
今日の: today...is a fucking beautiful day.
