fortune cookie.

"the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills."


Alone With Everybody
-Charles Bukowski




my heart begins to beat faster. my lungs forget to breathe. butterflies go wild in my stomach. i see him standing by a tree. the sun shine through and i see his face. it's not him, but someone else. i wake up gasping for air.

i have to say my favorite part of eating at panda is eating the fortune cookies while reading the fortunes out loud. D and i had some not too long ago but this wasn't just any fortune. no, this was something different. "you will find comfort in a new relationship." i've spent weeks trying to figure out just what that means. i'm not the type to take cookies seriously but this somehow manage to eat at me. am i unhappy? no. do i have feelings for someone else? not exactly. one thing is clear: i'm thinking. i love D and there is no question about that but is my love for D stronger than my envy? horrible i know, but i do. i hate how he gets away with everything, how he gets the grade because he's teacher pet, how he's loved by everyone. this little, insignificant cookie has brought up a whirlwind of questions. my confusion about J and the encounter with O has stirred something within that is unexplainable.

everything comes to an end; but sometimes you don't want to know that.